Situational confidence is a multi-dimensional quality that moves and shifts depending on circumstance and situation. 

Situational confidence is located within defined boundaries of a place or skill. That is, your confidence is defined by a specialist skillset you have or when you are in a specific situation. For example, you may feel quite confident when at work doing activities that you are highly trained in, yet when outside of that sphere, such as in a social situation, you do not feel confident at all.  

Global confidence is a core internal quality that exists within you and is not dependent on location or measures of success in order to be experienced. You have a core self-perception of your worth and value and your ability to deal with any situation adequately. This type of confidence provides permission for failure, for failure is simply an opportunity to learn rather than a threat to your internal value. 

Global confidence is the internal foundation upon which you can draw upon to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Self-acceptance and confidence are intertwined. Self-acceptance allows confidence to flourish without the demands of perfection or achievement. 

Confidence without self-acceptance can be very unstable and easily toppled. If you don’t truly accept yourself, the criticism and judgment from others can easily destabilise your confidence. You will look to others to validate your value which can be a bit of a crap shoot.

Four common ways you may limit the development of global confidence include:

• Negative Self-talk. 

The way in which you talk to yourself will have an immense flow on effect to the behaviours you engage in and ultimately become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself your are hopeless, that you always stuff things up or other similar judgements of self, this will become your mantra. Your brain does not differentiate between reality and thought. The thought ‘I stuff everything up’ is a real statement to your brain. Said often enough it becomes a core belief of who you are. Your beliefs drive your actions. You will indeed continue to undertaken actions that support your internal beliefs, proving to yourself that …’see, I am hopeless’.

Begin to notice how often your internal dialogue is negative. Ask yourself if that judgment is true. Do you always fail? Or did you just fail this time? Fact Check Yourself!

• Aiming for Perfection

If you are aiming to be perfect, I hazard a guess that you will never reach that goal, thereby setting yourself up to feel like you have failed. It is good to aim high yet it is equally important to be realistic. Set achievable goals. Most of the time good enough is enough. 

Ask yourself is your perfectionism really procrastination in disguise? Do you expect the same high standard of others? How would you speak to a colleague or friend if they were being as self-demanding as you are?  

• Comparing vs Aspiring

Comparison creates judgment and you are more likely to judge yourself harshly in comparison to another who you have already determined is better than you. 

The very act of comparison places you in direct competition yet the only real competition you have is with your past self. To compare and compete against another is a fool’s game that fails to fairly account for opportunity, alignment of purpose and timing. 

Rather than comparing yourself to another person, can shift the inner dialogue to that of ‘aspiring’? 

When you compare yourself and feel you are ‘less-than’ your energy and confidence constrict. When you aspire to be like someone with qualities and skills you seek, your energy expands providing space for growth. 

Aspiration inherently has a foundation of possibly. For example, I can aspire to hold world-class retreats like the retreat leaders I admire, and within the aspiration is the belief that I can learn from them. 

Alternatively, I can compare myself to a world-class retreat leader who has 200 000 followers on Instagram and charges premium for the coaching packages, and within that perspective I feel small and a failure. Noticing only all the ways they are ‘better’ than me. How can I possibly ever be as good as them? 

• Listening to the Wrong Support Team

The adage that you are the sum of the five people you surround yourself with remain a truth. If you are seeking to build yourself up then you must surround yourself with people who also build you up. This doesn’t mean surrounding yourself with people who always say ‘yes’. You want people who are honest and are willing to hold you accountable to yourself. 

As you grow you may find old friends or family no longer are aligned with your vision for yourself. That is okay, everyone has their own path but you may have to limit connection or learn how to create energetic barriers to keep yourself from being pulled down by their energy. 

Who do you surround yourself with? Do they build you up or do they hold you down?

If you don’t feel fully confident in how you are, don’t worry. Confidence is like a muscle and will grow if you make the decision to exercise it. Start with self-awareness. Be real in owning your strengths and noticing if you any of the above four factors are impacting on you standing in your own power. 

You got this!