Some people enter a room, and you just know they are in charge. There is something about them that oozes leadership, confidence, and measured self-assurance. This can be called charisma, executive leadership or simply the X factor, a seemingly intangible quality that inspires followers and allows a leader to have greater influential power. It inspires trust and engenders a sense of security in the group. 

This quality isn’t only for designated leaders in large organisations but is invaluable in all aspects of communication whether you are an entrepreneur, small business owner, coach or simply want to feel more empowered in social settings. Or even hold your own in challenging family dynamics.

Historically the concept of charisma or executive leadership has been attributed more often to men and if I reflect back on my career in government the leaders who had that certain something were largely male. Therefore, much of the voice and executive presence coaching was about being less feminine and more masculine in tone and style.

While societal expectations have certainly shifted there is still subtle messaging that results in women unconsciously toning down their ‘bigness’ in order to retain femininity or the ingrained expectation of how women should lead. 

If you have experience developmental trauma, or chronic experiences that have harmed your self-worth and confidence, this can further contribute to you unconsciously or consciously keeping yourself small and slightly hidden. 

Whilst keeping a low profile is learnt behaviour and is a protective mechanism, it is behaviour that will prevent you from sharing your skills and achieving the success you are so capable of. 

Executive presence or charisma does come more naturally to some people, but it is a learnable skill and even the most introverted person or person who has learnt to keep small in order to feel safe, can learn strategies to increase their visibility and authoritative presence so they are seen and heard. 

1. Body language

• Take up space, literally. Check in on your posture. Are you hunching over, lowering your head, keeping arms and legs tightly constrained? This energetically closes off communication and shrinks you from the view of others. Before you step in a room do a quick body scan, consciously release tensed muscles, chest out, shoulders back, spine straight. I know it sounds like you are about to march in a parade but physically expanding your body signals confidence to your brain. Check out the TED talk from Amy Cuddy. 

• Open arms/hands. It is hard-wired into our brains to check the hands of a person approaching us. Do they hold weapons? Do they look like they are going to attack? Open hand gestures and keeping the arms relaxed signals there is no threat. 

• Eye contact. This can be challenging if you are neurodivergent or have trauma or deep-seated insecurity, but like everything you can learn through practice. Eye contact also has cultural difference. Some days I feel deeply uncomfortable with eye contact, even with close friends. Remember eye contact does not mean long lingering gazes. The aim is not to stare down your opponent like a UFC fighter. The purpose is not to command authority it is to connect and build trust. So a short connection with eye contact when talking to someone is enough. Check in with your comfort level with eye contact. Are you avoiding it? Can you practice a second of connection?

2. Voice Tonality

Talk from your diaphragm. Let’s move on from the old voice rules of deepening your voice to sound more authoritative (essentially women were being told to sound more like a man in order to be taken seriously) and shift to noticing where you voice is coming from so that you can deliver richness that is your natural voice. 

When nervous, angry or tense you tend to have a shallower breath pattern, breathing in only as far as the upper chest or even throat. If you constrain yourself to shallow breaths and then speak notice how it feels and sounds. You become breathless and your voice is at a higher register. Now breath evenly and deeply as you speak. You are not actively trying to change your voice, but you will notice that your voice sounds smoother and more rich. More confident and assured. 

3. Slow down 

Everyone speaks at a different pace, but we all tend to speak faster when nervous or fearing we won’t be heard.

Notice how fast you talk and what you are feeling when you talk a little too fast. Is it nerves or excitement? Connect with the breath and slow down a beat, nothing exaggerated but just take it down a smidge. Too slow takes the melody out of your voice which conveys so much emotion. But too fast will sound nervous, unsure and people will disengage from your message. 

Bonus Tip: Give yourself permission to be you. 

All of the above tips; body language, tonality, slowing down, are given to help provide some self-reflection, not so that you change WHO you are but so you consider WHY you keep small, why you speak so softly or why you rush your words. 

If these habits are due to you hiding your true self for fear of being judged, or you feel you are not being heard, then this is your sign to re-wire some new habits. 

If you are a fabulously engaging, energetic fast talker who lights up the room with your energy – then rock that!

Charisma is about shining your personality so building speaking confidence is about building the confidence to be more YOU. Any change you make is about allowing more of YOU to be seen. Changing your communication style because of some rule about what is the considered the most authoritative voice is not authentic and not sustainable. It will stifle your confident voice that connects with others. 

How do you want to show up when you next enter a room? 

Stay groovy. 

Kim